Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Parliaments Summer Wish List

Summertime is the best. It means freedom, pools, water ice, and roller coasters. Everyone hopes that this summer will always be better than the last. So far, summer has treated the Parliament well. We are still the best governing body at Temple and we still hang out all the time. The other thing that summer brings is the striving for goals. Some players want to work on their handles, jump shot or post moves. The Parliament however, has different goals. These goals are more like wishes.
Dutch wants to maximize his potential in the weight room and wishes only to have an upper body that will rival anyone at the beach. He calls it his,"Jersey Shore" workout. He is getting their and his wish just may come true.
Jimmy stares into the sky every night and sings,"When You Wish Upon A Star," (Jiminy Cricket's version) asking only for a fluffy unicorn. Jimmy wishes he could ride that unicorn to foreign lands all summer. We have tried relentlessly asking Jimmy to deviate from his nightly ritual by claiming that unicorns are not real. Jimmy always responds with," I saw one! It was pink and fluffy! And it told me it loves playing basketball with the Care Bears." We are making progress with Jimmy and we hope to cure him of this grand fictional animal believing sickness.
I have a much different wish. I want to have a situation like " Enemy of the State" or " Eagle Eye," happen to me. I want to be sitting on my couch one day and have men dressed in black with guns drawn and terrible aim from an agency I had no clue existed, break through my door. I would them jump out of my window on to a truck that is perfectly placed out on the road. After a few days of close encounters I discover the real reason why they are after me. They want to stop a certain underground movement that I am apart of, the Parliament. The final scene would be me, exhausted and weaponless, asking for the mercy of my pursuers. But what they do not know is that I am not alone. Two, rather large men, drop out of the ceiling. They wear clothing bearing the Parliament symbol. Stunned, the pursuers begin shooting. Suddenly, they are blinded. Jimmy's hair begins radiating blonde blinding light that is as sweet as the suns rays. Dutch places his hand out and stops the bullets in mid air. Then I am whisked away on a strange being, a pink, fluffy unicorn.


Rock on Parliament Fans!!!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Off Season: Time to Recruit

A lot of aspiring players always ask me how to become a walk-on and if it is worth it. They ask about the process and if it is hard to get a spot on the team. What is it like? What are the benefits? I answer these inqisitive questions with relative ease. However, others ask a more specific question, "How do I become a member of the Parliament?" This question is not so easy to answer. It requires a long explanation that some are not meant to hear. It requires time, love, and a little bit of the "it" factor. So please, open your mind and visualize the scene that makes a Parliament member excepted into this super, awesome, and totally gansta group.
The trainging is rigorous, painful, and not for the faint hearted. First, you will have to climb the "1,000 Steps of Truth" until you reach the guru, the master, the one true warrior; Dutch Suzuki Mozumoto. You will find him sitting on the very air you breath, Indian style. He does not speak with words. He requires his padawan learners to take a vow of silence and learn how to speak with cheering. He will teach you "Bench Jiu-Jitsu, "The Kung Fu Clap", and "The Karate Cheer." After months of training in the Himalayas, you will then meet Jake Foo Man Choo and James Hyabusa. There, and only there, can your training be complete by using all your knowledge in a " cheer off." At the very top of the Himalayas you will combat Jake Foo Man Choo and James Hyabusa while sitting on a bench made of the cheers of walk-ons in physical form. If you defeat these gigantic warriors you are officially a member of the Parliament...