Monday, December 19, 2011

Parliament Fever

Some have said that if you hang around the Parliament enough you will feel the cheer get into your bones. You can not help it. It is not your fault. It is just that contagious. It started as a breakout of infectious clapping. It then turned into an epidemic of bench fanatics feasting on the folly off their foes while fearlessly and fantastically cheering on their fellows (parliament alliteration is the bomb). Others fear it will become a pandemic and leave the world in a cheering frenzy.
There are those on the team who have caught the fever. Mike Eric and Scootie Randall have caught the virus and can not help but cheer. Mike adds a certain hair diversity that we were lacking. I, number 31, rock the faux hawk. Many fans have taken notice of my hair style and when Nick and I got into the game versus Toledo, a faux hawk chant broke out. Jimmy maintains his "Ellen Degeneres" look, much to the dismay of other Parliament members. Mike adds a certain kind of old school look to the Parliament. It is reminiscent of a shorter "kid n play" cut but certainly less dramatic (quick side note, Coach Trice had the same hair cut when he played at Penn, awesome).
Even our film coordinator, Raheem Mapp, fell prey to the fever. When we played Texas the ref pulled Dunphy aside and walked down the bench to Mapp and told him that he had to be quiet. He enjoyed his 10 seconds of being the main focus of the ESPN cameras. That was most certainly the crowning moment of the Parliament this week in Texas.
The Parliament has also caught the spirit of the holidays. Jimmy's favorite movie of all time is "Elf" starring Will Ferrel. This week on the USA Network they are showing the movie uncut. Although Jimmy usually stays away from movies rated higher than PG, he has some exceptions seeing as though he has watched it 5 times already. Jimmy has adopted the way of the elves and fabricated it for Parliament use, "The best way to spread Parliament cheer is clapping loud for all to hear."
The Parliament wishes Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Go Owls!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Bench Hunting

A good seat on the bench can prove to be allusive. The Parliament has its usual spot at the end of the bench but sometimes the Parliament gets separated. It is not unusual to find ourselves out of place sitting at the front end of the bench after a time out. We have learned that in order to establish our rightful places on the bench we must employ stealthily techniques to assure that our feelings of security amongst other Parliament members remains intact. Thus, we now have the ability to sniff out a good seat from a mile away. We pounce, preying upon the perfect seat to assure wonderful posture.
This technique transfers to our lives off the court. Best seats at a movie theatre? Done. Do we always get shotgun in the car? Of course. If you need a perfect seat for any occasion, consider it done. The Parliament can find the most, in the words of Jimmy, "Super dupper comfy seat with rainbow sprinkles and chocolate swirls" in any venue anywhere.
If you are an experienced bench hunter than you undoubtably know that intelligence must be collected prior to every game. The Parliament gathers such intel at shoot around before our road games. We study the bench from a distance. We learn it's tendencies, flaws, and strengths. Even what factory that were made in. Patent leather? Hand stitched? Buoyancy? These are all things we consider before the actual hunting takes place.
Then, when the bench least expects it, we go in for the kill. When we are up by about 20 points with 3 minutes left, the Parliament likes to creep up the bench after a timeout. Eventually, we will be right up there in clear view of the coaches. Then it is the Parliaments time to shine! With visibility maximized we then check in after successfully completing our bench hunting.