Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Star Wars: The Phantom Manager

The Parliament is used to being behind the scenes. They desire no camera attention or seek out to have the most followers on Twitter. Instead, they choose to be the power behind the throne. Similarly, Temple Men's basketball's managers are such beings of humility that they do their work much like the elves who make shoes for the hard working shoemaker that the Grimm Brothers wrote about.
There is one such elf that makes what the elves do as a whole, work. He is the gas for the V8, the wings for the plane, the roar for the lion and you do not even know his name. In his third year as a Temple University manager, Gerard Walsh is the mysterious aforementioned man of exceptional prowess. He was a padawon learner under the tutelage of Tyler Laurie AKA "Qui-Gon Jinn" thus making Walsh, "Obi-Wan Kenobi." The force is certainly strong with young Walsh. In fact his metachlorian count is the highest in the Republic. In one instance, Walsh summoned the force to single handedly clean the floor, take stats during practice, and give Khalif Wyatt a water bottle at every stop of play since Wyatt seemingly needs to be more hydrated than anyone else on the team.
Now what would a Jedi of such great power be without a worthy adversary? The antagonist of this story is the Dark Sith Lord Matt Lachs who seeks to supplant Walsh at all times. Lachs has battled Walsh for a chance to mop the floor or hand out the new sweatsuits on many occasions. Lachs of course wields a dual red lightsaber against Walsh and his blue lightsaber. The Liacouras Center is lighted up as the Dark Sith Lord and the young Jedi battle to the death, jumping to and fro from the 200 section to the 100 sections almost every night.
Tired of these battles the young Jedi Walsh seeks council from the wisest Jedi of all, Jeff "Yoda" Wilson. Yoda Wilson trains Walsh in order to smite his enemy on the lost planet of "MustacheDunpheen." With his unparalleled ability to use the force, Yoda Wilson saw the potential of Walsh and transferred all of his knowledge leaving the young Jedi with new abilities far beyond all Jedi's in the galaxy. After months of training Walsh returns to Temple stronger than ever. Just as he lands on campus the Dark Sith Lord attacks!....... Will good triumph over evil? Will Yoda Wilson's training pay off? All these questions will be answered so stay tuned for the next episode of "Star Wars: the Phantom Manager!"

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