Tuesday, February 22, 2011

DUKE...We Must Protect His Hair!!!

Year in and year out Duke is one of the best teams in the country, and this year is no different. They have 2 of the best players in the country in Nolan Smith and Kyle Singler. We are going into a hostile environment and we need to play tough and smart if we are going to pull out this win.

College basketball is a great thing. So many great teams, players, coaches, and end of the bench hype squads. But one of the aspects that makes college basketball so great is the involvement of the other students that go to the school. They are so dedicated and really show their love for the team. And everyone knows that they show their love best after a big win by storming the court. The court storming is great, it brings everyone from the crowd onto the court to celebrate the win with their team. Students get to interact with the players, give high fives, hugs, some even attempt to still locks of Jimmy's amazing hair. But that will not happen, NOT UP IN HERE!! Once the game starts to wind down and looks like were going to win and there is going to be a court storming, the Parliament members go into protection mode. We have three members, thus we have three things to protect: first, Jimmy runs directly to the locker room and hides. Why? Because this is a perfect time for someone to attack his gorgeous locks. So we make him go and hide in the locker room. Jakes job? Well that's easy. He needs to protect the cheerleaders and diamond gems. A lot of you Parliamentiers (followers of the Parliament) might be asking, wouldn't they be celebrating with the rest of the students and players? That is where you are wrong. When a court storming occurs they are the most scared of anyone. They all look like Bambi after the mother gets shot in the beginning (and yes if you're reading this Jimmy she did get shot, she didn't go to "Deer Overnight Camp" like your parents told you). They are scared of the 100s of fans, mostly young males running down and groping on them. Let's be honest here. We have very attractive cheerleaders and diamond gems. We do not have any Snooki's, and in my opinion that is unfortunate because I would love to see Snooks running out on the court doing cartwheels, nothing would make me happier. They do a great job and we need someone to protect them from those young neanderthals we like to call college freshmen. This is where the Ginger Crusader comes to the rescue!! He swoops in and saves all the girls, literally he picks each one of them up and carries them to safety. I don't know he does it, he said he downloaded an app for it but I think he is lying. My job? Well I am the enforcer so I go and swarm the player who had the best game like when Bieber went after his his newly cut locks and tried to furiously glue stick them back to his head. Little did he know that Elmer's works the best for anything, guess he didn't have Miss Lippy for kindergarten. Soooooo if we use Georgetown as an example I went after Ramone like a spider monkey, making sure that no one could pry him from my kongfu grip. I then gracefully paraded around the court with the beauty of a ballerina, hard to believe? I've got footwork like Chris Brown, believe dat!! So next time we have a big win and you decide to storm the court please follow these three simple rules or we might have to get Michael Eric to bring in his African spear and show off his home grown talents. 

Go Owls!!!


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